Life and a soldier.

Hey. It's been a long time and I have no time. I barely have time to keep up with playing an instrument, taking care of a wife and baby or a new outside sales position. I'm completely bummed because I missed the foo fighters, bob dylan, deathcab, the jicks(steve malkmus), and a ton of other acts I would have loved to see. I could blame it on a family or that I'm older and it doesn't matter but the fact is debt. I can't justify spending $20 on a show when I owe $1000 on a card.. or two.. but I have found a purpose so to speak in my music. I was listening to Hurricane, bob dylan.. and the story telling is amazing. In one song he covered an entire life. I want to do that.. then it hit me.. one record for one life. 10 to 12 songs that cover moments in a life from start to end. cradle to the grave to plagiarize a bit. The record I'm writing is a short EP; 3 or 4 songs about the conception, and still birth of a friends child. As sad as that sounds it will easily cover the emotional gamut. Since I wanted to write just 3 songs I chose a short life and now find it more difficult to single in on individual moments when it's such a complicated subject. The B-side so to speak will be a song about a soldier. I had a dream the other night I was in world war 2 and my company was running through a field when they came under fire and I got shot in leg and couldn't walk. Then the man next to me exploded and we were in a mine field. No one could come back for me with out risking explosions.. I couldn't move for fear of explosion or getting shot so I just sat and contemplated what it would have been like if I had made it back home. To kiss my son or to sing him silly songs about life and things that don't matter. It should be good. 

I'm always asked why I write so sad. It's where I put it all.. I'm not a sad individual. I may be pessimistic at times but for the most part I am happy. If I don't write and put it here, I slip into depressions and it takes weeks to get out. It may be sad but it is truth. That is all.

little dude

So this little guy is Jonas. If you ever thought you loved someone, wait until you have a child, then tell me about the greatest love you've ever had and how it pales.

old stories

So I was looking through old songs, poems, lyrics and stories just to get something up here and I realized that anything that goes up anyone could read. This makes it a little awkward surprisingly. I've played in front of thousands of people sang hundreds of songs I've written and I still am afraid to post them up here for fear of criticism? Perhaps I have lost a little confidence in this last year. I'm not playing shows either right now, maybe the idea of anyone judging based off of these is a stupid one.. or just a human reaction.

So here's a comment to myself in one of these mindless meaningless break ups that are supposed to teach us about ourselves. I think this happened in '01? '00.

there's not really moments here that hurt, just times that move slow. Dayto day minute to minute, catching your thoughts before they change tosomething a little less morbid but never really thinking of anything atall. It's amazing, so simple and so unprovoked. Every corner, every littleplace to hide turns to where you started. There's not really a way or achance to stop you - more just move through it. Push, pull, whatever ittakes. Like I said before, this is where minutes turn in to days and hourspass before you realize they're gone. going on and on, but probably worse,is that it does not stop. It starts over again and again - and again. Everylittle corner, every hiding place your heart keeps it close, your mindbrings it home. Seconds, minutes, hours on my mind - what I wouldn't givefor a moment that doesn't last. A single - just one that didn't last. Crazyisn't it? talking myself through this kind of creating what I've beendescribing - the smart thing would be to ignore this and move on - but this- this is a moment that lasts.